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Should There Be Physical Attraction in Courtship?


A Christian Perspective on Love and Values


Por Henry Preza 

The importance of looking beyond the physical

The most important thing in a relationship is not appearance, but the values that guide the person with whom you want to share your life. If you focus only on the outside, sooner or later disappointment will come, because physical beauty doesn’t last forever.

But when you value the beauty of the heart, you will always feel proud of your partner. You will love them for who they are, not for what they have.

Remember, you fall in love with a person, not a product. With products we choose what looks best, but in courtship it’s not about choosing what is most attractive to the eyes, but what has the most value in essence.

Of course, you can marry someone who is handsome or beautiful, but if that person lacks values, there is a real risk they may become a “moral monster.” That’s why it’s so important to focus on inner qualities.

A real experience

I remember a woman who came to me very discouraged. She confessed that her husband no longer loved her because she was “ugly,” and she added: “He doesn’t tell me the same things he used to tell me.”

What had happened? Most likely, that man had only focused on her outward appearance. Over the years, work, responsibilities, and children changed her looks. The problem was that he had never deepened his appreciation for her inner qualities.

If he had done that, his words of love would never have run out, because the virtues of the heart grow over time — they don’t fade away.

Should there be physical attraction in courtship?

With that said, it’s not about ignoring the physical either. No one should begin a relationship with someone for whom they feel absolutely no attraction. That would be a mistake, because attraction is also part of the bond between a couple.

So, should there be physical attraction in courtship? Yes, absolutely! But it should never be the deciding factor. Attraction is a complement, not the foundation.

The risk of basing a relationship only on the external

What happens when a relationship starts only because of physical attraction? The answer is simple: as soon as someone “more attractive” shows up, the person may easily leave their partner.

That’s why it’s essential to truly get to know the one who may become your boyfriend or girlfriend — and possibly your future spouse.

The Bible illustrates this from the very beginning. Even Adam was amazed when he first saw Eve:

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23)

Physical attraction has its place, but it cannot sustain a lasting relationship without the virtues of the heart.

Biblical wisdom about beauty

God’s Word gives us very clear principles on this subject:

  • Proverbs 11:22 – “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” Beauty without values is meaningless.
  • Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” The priority is the fear of God, not outward appearance.
  • 1 Samuel 16:7 – “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” God Himself reminds us that what truly matters is the heart.

Conclusion

Yes, it’s good to feel physically attracted to your partner; it’s not sinful or wrong. But never forget that what matters most are values, faith, and inner qualities.

External beauty changes with time, but the beauty of the heart endures and grows.

When you look for a partner, ask yourself: Am I only looking at the outside, or also at the heart? That decision will shape your future.

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